Friday, October 26, 2012

Paul Ryan's Speech in Findlay Ohio

Hello, Ohio! Did I say Ohio? I meant moochers! That’s right. You college kids are leaches taking government money. I didn’t rely on student loans. I paid my college with social security death benefits like a real American. When I’m VP things are going to change around here. This country is going back to its roots. What does that mean? Well, we’re going to have horses and no electricity! Or I should I say I’ll have a horse. You’ll probably be pulling a cart or something because I’m taking your loans. I need it more than you. I’m a job creator. Every millionaire is. We send money to Chinese companies, you see, and you buy stuff and it brings new jobs. I can’t give details until the election is over. Romney likes to keep things hush hush. Okay, I’ll give a couple. Your next president is a huge fan of the game Risk. He plays it all the time. But to be honest, he’s a little tired of the board. He wants to branch out. That’s why we’re going to place one of those giant cannons on the real Iran. That means we’ve conquered it. The horses and bayonets are waiting in the barn too. It’s going to be a great time.

I’ve got to go for now. But remember, you’re moochers who deserve poverty for being socialist bums. So, don’t even think about asking for that Medicare you’re already paying for. Peace out, peasants!


  1. This incredibly buff man was very close to where I lived last week giving a speech here in the great state of Ohio. I was going to have him come over and help me do my dishes, but then I realized they were still dirty.

  2. Ben, you probably shouldn't put a picture of Mr. Ryan up here. I got so distracted by it I could hardly read this. Hahaha! I must have missed this speech. ;-)

    1. P90X from what I hear, which is exciting, but not something I'd participate in. I prefer my routine to not be quite so structured.