Thursday, January 17, 2013

Gun Debate Rant

I concede. Everyone should own as many automatic weapons as they want without background checks. But in return I reserve the right to:

Speed like hell. You need guns to protect yourself from the government and Obama. It only follows we should be able to drive as fast as possible away from both.

Own a penguin. This is a bit of a stretch, but in an argument of individual liberty, it would inhibit my personal freedom to not give me a penguin.

Be Batman. If everyone has the most powerful guns they can acquire, we can't expect police to keep up. The logical solution is to give me a billion dollars and free reign over Gotham. Who needs Miranda rights when you have the caped crusader?

Monday, January 14, 2013

Your Guide to Party Politics in the USA

Democratic Party: Trust the government.

Republican Party: Trust rich people.

Green Party: Trust the trees.

Constitution Party: Trust Jesus.

Libertarian Party: Trust rich people on heroin who love Jesus.